just wanna close my eyes
pictures keep rushing to my head
taking me deeper
save me the drama
it's all i need
let me go
my silent screams
my tired soul
i want to find peace again

man i just love my view of the sunset. am on the 29th floor surrounded by windows. and all i can say everyday is wow.

where's the angst
the best thing about our master bedroom bathroom is that there's a tv inside (hoping they install a dvd too --- but that i guess is too much). talk about coolness! for one i don't usually watch anything specific when i take showers-bath, brush my teeth or whatever. usually i just set it to cartoon network or to mtv. anyway, i took a quick shower earlier and the tv was tuned to teysi (hope i got it right --- the only time i get to watch tv lately is when am in the bathroom) this lets talk about anything show that replaced morning girls (thank god!!!). jim paredes was with his daughter ala (i think she's a vj) and buboy was with his amboy "can't you see i don't speak tagalog" son. they were discussing stuff about our generation and their generation that sort of stuff. like how their generation was more productive, responsible, caring, blah blah... and why our generation is on its way to "dullsville i'd rather chill than read a book or care about that freakin bush war". pretty scary thought but it's freaking true. for example no more job opportunities, no more safe places to go and hang-out in, and of course more and more drugs coming in the market. whaaaaaaaaah!!!

now about this job opportunity threat. it's quite freaky that no one cares if you graduated with honors at some blah blah university, a med-law-whatever freakin degree, and a mouth feedin son daughter of a rich tax evader. after graduation you just have three options: work at some call center (for whatever reason i dont know its the only job available in the market --- and still growing), migrate and try your luck with domestic helping, care taking, and whatever the foreigners care less to do, or just be a plain bum-nagger-angster-sleep all day fellow. talk about "future in the philippines." so does this mean there's no need to study? basically yeah, if the government won't do anything about this unemployment rate or if they just keep on wasting money on freakin abu abus. ohhh hold on to dear life (if there still is life in this country).

enough of this ranting! who freakin cares --- hahahaha the biggest problem of this country! no one freakin cares.

i try to make it right

There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
And after all
You re my wonderwall

wishing i was there
alia just posted meg's despedida pics. the despedida i missed because of this "why the hell am i doing this, can't do anything about it" job. am just wondering what hell alexis was doing... hmmm

anticipating the sunset
after almost 3 months of working graveyard they just gave me 2 days notice that i'll be moved to the afternoon shift. oohh great so its that easy to change body clock. talk about flexible sleeping time. anyway as much as i want to retaliate i can't, not even my immediate suppervisor could do anything. the guys up at the workforce were the ones who did this crazy sched change so better agree to it or else... so today marks the day of my very first afternoon shift. i freakin hate it, i'll miss my graveyard eatin - smokin - laughin - drinkin buddies. am freakin not used seeing the sun. for like two weeks i have to drive under the sun? just hoping they have no intentions of extending it. now all i do is wait for the sunset, and i guess ill be back to my old self again.

Happy Birthday Val!

got this from meg

001. my name is: beth
002. i may seem: suplada mataray
003. but i'm really: not. matatawa ka nalang when you get to know me.
004. people who know me think i'm: crazy and beautiful (yak feeling) pero i really am crazy, jinxed, makulet and good natured. beautiful?
005. if you knew me you'd probably: agree
006. sometimes i feel: guilty
007. in the morning i: i go home (i work at night) try to get some sleep
008. i like to sleep: with no lights on, the radio on, a fluffy blanket, 4 fluffy pillow - 2 on the left side, 1 on the right, one on my feet but no pillows on my head, and my cell fone beside me (talk about weird sleeping habits)
009. if i could be doing anything right now: i'd be getting my self a ticket somewhere and go on a get away even for just 5 days
010. money is: needed (oo nga sobrang needed)
011. one thing i wish i had is: peace of mind
012. one thing i have that i wish i didn't: bad luck
013. what i don't need: hmmm bad luck din
014. if i had one wish it would be: happiness
015. love: everyone
016. my body: is not perfect but am happy with it (flaws and all)
017. if an angel flew into my window at night i would: put it in a cage (bwahahahaha)
018. if a demon crashed into my window i would: still put it in a cage (now i have an angel and a devil to play with)
019. if i could see one person right now it would be: do0bie (bwahahaha not the harry potter character)
020. something i want but i don't really need is: a fast car.
021. something i need but i don't really want is: work
022. i live for: the ride
023. i dare you to: move
024. i am afraid of: routine
025. it makes me angry when: people pretend and try to0 hard.
026. i dream about: peace of mind
027. i daydream about: going away on an escapade
028. my ideal mate would: not exist (bwahahaha)
029. my ideal life would be: simple and beautiful
030. one thing i know that i will never be able to do: fly a plane (tho i wish i could)
031. if i could change one thing about myself physically, it would be: thighs
032. i am disappointed with: the world
033. i am elated with: the fact that even tho the world is a big disappointment, it's still a beautiful world!

there's no such thing as loss
yesterday i did something stupid, i allowed my drunk friend to drive. that's probably one of the biggest mistake i ever did. imagine i almost got my friend killed and someone else hurt. with just a blink of an eye, he fell asleep on the wheel, and then he came crashing to an incoming jeepney. the jeepney had 3 minor casualties, a limping guy, a high blood pressured lady, and of course the jeep itself. my friend's car on the other hand was a wreck, but not totally, his tires almost fell off, and his left side fender was crushed into pieces. nothing major happened to him, thank GOD he was wearing a seat belt!!! (one thing that should be implemented in this country), he just bit his lower lip, had a few scratches and smacked his jaw on the wheel. good thing the car and the jeepney were going on a slow speed. i can just imagine what could have happened. how i'll tell his parents and all. talk about the guilt trip ill be in.

that with just a few drinks a lot of lives were on the line. hoping and praying this would be the last time it will happen to anyone i know or anyone you know. PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. no matter how sober you think you are, no matter how much you drank, no matter what you think again DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE or LET ANYONE DRINK AND DRIVE. let this serve as a lesson that accident can strike to anyone at anytime what more if you're drink and drive.

crazy but true

sometimes i wonder why... but it really is.

Love is a DECISION

Love is not something that you define...it's a Decision. When you feel that you love one person, how can you tell that he or she won't feel the same way for the next person who comes along? Love is not a feeling, it's a decision.

'Coz, when it's a feeling, it is something that floats in the air, something you cannot touch or dare to comprehend. Love, when it's a decision, makes it solid, makes it a commitment, makes it more lasting and more real. You can feel that you can be in love 20 million times in a day, but when you decide to be in love, you can only decide to be in love with one person once in your lifetime. You commit and you hold on to that decision. And when you turn your back on that decision, it means you were never in love in the first place. Love should never fade. Because when it does, it means it's just an emotion. Love will never fade because a decision, once done, is something you stand up for and fight for - no matter what.

What does "I love you" mean? Some people find it easy to say the words but what really matter is being ready to stand up for it when you say those words. Are you ready to face all the consequences after saying those magical words? If you can say "I love you" long after all the tough times, all the good times and after all the words that come hurting you, then the meaning of those words becomes real. Of course, I still believe in those words but I myself am afraid to say them. I know there will come a time when I won't be afraid of those words coming out of my mouth.

When I will be strong enough to fight for love again. And I can say the words "no matter what." Saying "I love you" is a major decision in one's life. Those words should be sacred, should be kept in your heart until you are ready to commit, to fight for that feeling and to stand by those words. Is love a product of destiny? No, I believe there's no such thing as destiny. Thus, if love is a product of destiny, then you choose to love, you decide to love. Your destiny is the path that you choose to take. I guarantee that there will be toughtimes.

Yes, it is a decision to commit, it is a decision to love. And when you decide to love, you should realize that there will be tough times and there will come a time when you would want to get out. And when you realize that love comes with all things good or bad, then you know what love really is.


Funny how love can have so many definitions and just boil down to one: decision. Yeah. Decision.

But how long could one resist the sensation that love brings? How long could one refrain from
that strange phenomenon called . . . falling in love?....

by the way i just want to say cheers to this blog: schadenfreude for a job well done! i've been working my butt out and without him work will be such a bore. keep the posts up!

damn am lost
after almost a month of not watching any movie (wow can't believe i survived), i went out last thursday with a couple of friends to catch a movie before going to work. we were supposed to watch hero but i arrived late, so we decided to watch "the eye" instead. goodness gracious what was i thinking?!? heehee, honestly i have no idea what the film was, who directed it, if it was any good, and whatsoever. all i know is that it was some horror flick. then again keeping my hopes up for some hell ride, i was just left totally devastated. i can't believe i paid 100 bucks on some not even amature not horror flick. it was more of a romatic comedy, as what most of the expectators hollered when the credits rolled in. the dialogue really sucked, the characters were a bunch of stuck ups (they don't know what to do), and the plot --- my goodness. don't even think about it. if you compare the eye to our amature horror flicks --- we are way ahead of hair raising scene (this means we have great chances of going international too). but the lesson here is: make sure to do a little background check before choosing a film. money doesn't grow on trees. make sure the film is what its worth.

way beyond coolness

Nokia N-Gage

where am i going?
funny question, but where am i going? in a few months make that 2. another year will be added to me. as much as i want to stay young, am getting older everyday. priorities change, preference change, lifestyles change, feelings change, body clock change, people around me change and now i don't know who i am, where i am, or where i will be. scaweee!!! this is a sick 20 year old kid asking almost everyday that same question.

saturday version of friday five

1. What did you have for breakfast this morning? If you didn't have breakfast, why not?
Wanton noodles, letter nuggets and a glass of green tea. yum yum

2. What's your favorite cereal?
Post honey cereal and Honey Stars

3. How often do you eat out? Do you want that to change?
ummm everyday. no am cool with it. not that i have a choice. there's no such thing as home cooked meal at my place. the only home cooked meal you get is fried egg and sausages.

4. What do you plan on having for dinner tonight? Got a recipe for that?
Probably order some chinese or the usual pepperonni pizza

5. What's your favorite restaurant? Why?
hmmm a toughie. it depends on the mood. i love seafood, pasta, pizza, chicken and milk. Kaya has great variety of dishes. but anything goes with me as long as the food is fresh and hot.

after midnight morning will come
and it really makes you feel good

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. (damn don't you just love life)
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)
13. A long distance phone call.
14. A bubble bath.
15. Giggling.
16. A good conversation.
17 The beach
18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.
19. Laughing at yourself.
20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
21. Running through sprinklers.
22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
24. Laughing at an inside joke.
25. Friends.
26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Playing with a new puppy.
31. Having someone play with your hair.
32. Sweet dreams.
33. Hot chocolate.
34. Road trips with friends.
35. Swinging on swings.
36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking your favorite tipple.
37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
38. Going to a really good concert.
39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
40. Winning a really competitive game.
41. Making chocolate chip cookies.
42. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
43. Spending time with close friends.
44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
45. Holding hands with someone you care about.
46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change
47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
49. Watching the sunrise.
50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

just a few reminders --- that no matter what, where, how life is --- it's still freakin great! SO PLEASE STOP THE WAR!!!

looking through the cracks

yesterday i was drivin my way to makati to watch catch me if you can with a couple of friends, when out of no where my freakin windshield cracked. whaaaaaaaaah. it was so heart stopping that instead of pulling over i just drived on. helplessly trying to look at the long and winding road i immediately called friends --- take note friends not immediate family (i didn't have the guts to call them). they all told me to pull over somewhere safe and with lots of people. after driving almost a kilometer i finally pulled over shell forbes, a bunch of rose vendors came to save me. i have to hand it to them they really know what to do. they all suggested to take the whole thing off, coz it would be so dangerous, the wind could blow the cracked glass all on your face. but before they can take the whole thing off, we need to take a picture of it for insurance purposes. the problem is i don't have a camera with me. a few minutes later ryan, kim, jonas and gerry came to the rescue. we then decided to split up, ryan and i went to the police station to get a police report for the insurance (in case there's no luck with the camera), while gerry, jonas, and kim will try to look for a camera.

after ten minutes of waiting in the not so helpful police station, SPO something told us that the police report is uneccessary. we just need to take a picture of it. oh great, so ryan and i decided to call up friends in the makati area who can rescue us with a camera. good thing joey has one. yey, thanks to joey and margie for the awesome pictorials. after the pictorials the glass removal followed. sean showed up halfway before the thing was over. it took about an hour and a half to finish. we then parked it at joey's place for safe keeping. and picked it up the next day. again thanks to everyone. i couldn't have survive this without you.

credits:
rose vendors - for everything
ryan - resources
kim - resources
jonas - resources
gerry - resources
joey - pictorials
margie - pictorials
sean - driving crew
shell boys - for the props (feather duster, boxes, & stickbrooms)
shell select - for the props (6 garbage bags --- free of charge)
leann - pick up crew
mosman - pick up crew
jek - check out crew
ted - pick up crew
nats - pick up crew